Cherish This Moment: October 2010

being able to breastfeed my baby , the feelings are miracle. kudos to Bunda Myra, always share her info about breastfeeding n related to bf. Since being exposed and being educated about the importance of bf, I aimed to bf exclusively to my baby since day 1 I found out I was pregnant..

Yes, the first few days trying to breastfeed, it was quite hard, but I think my experience wasn't too bad. I started using Lansinoh cream applied when I entered my last 6 weeks to my expected date. Sue started early so that the sensitive part dah softened by the time dah ready to lacting and avoid nipple berdarah and sakit.

The first few hours holding Adriana, nurse tried to lacting tapi she sibuk nak tido, so she put Adriana on my dada, and I was soo tired anyway after long hours of laboring. I feel like mummy kangaroo at that time. Skin to skin mummy n baby can help the lacting process.

First few days, it was like breastfeeding baby with empty boobies. but the colostrum, the first few drops are enough for the baby as the baby's tummy is very small.

Unlike in Malaysia, hospital private ada bilik sendiri and nurse take care baby you kan, while u rest , sini, baby is all the time with you. I have to do everything myself, the nurses akan show you only the first time nak breastfeed her, tukar nappy, mandi kan baby n stuff. Dah la tgh sakit and too tired, but I have to manage everything myself, nasib baik tak broke down...

Day 3, I didnt produced a lot of milk yet for Adriana, so we had to top up supplement milk for her. As I want to bf exclusively sgt to her, I wasnt happy to use supplement, tapi takkan nak let Adriana hungry kan. but after taking advices, Sue actually use both - breastfeeding and bottle, just because I know someday I will need to get back to the office. My sis in law bf her daugther exclusively until the baby got too smart, and tanak bottle langsung, which she said very susah one if wanna go shopping n keluar...

Hence, Adriana is feeding through bottles and bf. I wish not to have her minum supplement too much, but I havent managed to express milk yang berbottle bottle dlm fridge. I took Fanugreek (GNC brand) , herbs that could boost the milk production, they are in pills,so no problem to have them but really I envy mothers who can express their milk byk byk. I wish I can reach to that as well soon.

I am using the Medela Freestyle to express the milk, which was so convenient to express both breasts at once cuz I found that if express one side, the other side tend to kluar byk jugak. i just love the Medela FS - nuff said.

My aim is to breastfeed my little girl up to she is 2 years old. I hope I am able to..insyaAllah..

*please be advised, this post is quite detailed and long, I recorded the experience because I realised I slowly began to forget them*

Wednesday, 22nd September - 37 weeks
I found spots of water on the bed, curious, but waited to monitor during the day. Nothing.

Thursday, 23rd September
Checkup at the hospital, told the midwife of the watery spots. She quickly asked me to put off my tights, she then masukkan this thingy- big vibrator like (sory i dun no how else to describe! ) in my vagina. shoot! sakit gler, I actually traumatised sekejap the whole day, terbayang bayang how she did it. Then, terfikir, how la nak bersalin like this if nak check pun tramautised! Bleeding for few days.. The midwife cakap your waterbag is still intact, but your cervical dah start buka..
ok, I was not worried anymore.

so the whole one week, I woke up with watery spots on my bed. told my mum, she said, oh you inherited your grandma, she had the same, where she said lagi banyak air keluar, lagi senang nak bersalin. my Grandma had 9 children.. Sue pun hopeful for an easy delivery...

Thursday, 30th September (38weeks)
Was doing cleaning and kemas cupboard kitchen, then suddenly water turun banyak but not like a big gush.Worried. So collected the sample of the water. Called hubby, then he quickly came back from the office. It was 12 o'clock in the afternoon when it happened.But I was not ready...so I continued kemas rumah, until I was satisfied, we went to the hospital malam tu.

Midwife checked baby heartbeat using the machine, baby was ok. Then I showed them the water sample, they said confirmed, it was from the waterbag. But no contractions. Midwife said to come tomorrow morning for inducement.

Friday, 1st October ( hoping to have baby birthdate 1st October - same to her granpa )
Morning, calmly went to the hospital at 9am, then waited for a few hours for the waiting room. At 11.30 am dpt bed, at 12 o'clock, Doctor broke the waterbag - thought it will be painful, but it was not. The doctor used the lidi like and inserted dlm vagina, but it was ok. Yang sakit was the tube pasangkan kat my right hand. I was given antibiotics for the baby through the tubes into my veins,cuz fear of getting infections.

Still wondered, mcam mana rasa contractions..? Dalam waiting room, ada 8 beds, so at times heard org menahan contractions. Why I didn't feel it, wish I can get it through and over with a.s.a.p.

1pm ++, the contractions started, it was like having a braxton hicks which I had them a few weeks before already, mengeras kat upper belly and also, sakit sakit kat lower abdomen. My water semakin banyak, gushing out like a river, the nurses selalu kena tukar the piece of cloth yg avoid the bed basah.. at first, contractions are mild one until 4pm ++, tried main scrabble with hubby while awaited for the stronger ones.

4pm ++ Alright, the contractions was getting stronger and 5 mins apart. Tak boleh concentrate Scrabble. Done with the game. Time for TENS machine, Hubby pasangkan the machine, guna level 1. Started baca baca Ayat suci Al-Quran.. yes, it was painful..applied correct breathing technique. Soon after I realised, I was actually dah bunyi sama ngan org org yang I slalu wondered sakit ke contractions, sbb breathing kuat sikit from normal...puhh puuhh...

The pain just consumed your energy, tried to jalan jalan, mmg slow and tertunduk tunduk tahan contractions. Regret pulak rasa tak sabar nak contractions cepat cepat, now wish it could stop, but instead of that, it came closer and closer and stronger. TENs machine still at level 1 but 5th stage. More than that mcam electric gigit kulit, tanak lah. Still have Level 2 and Level 3, however I wish not to use those levels.. Poor Hubby was controlling the machine, I was like, ok now, ok tukar, ok up level. Kesian dia. I could not control the machine myself, as I could not focused.

10pm ++ It was already 9 hours of contractions, midwife checked the cervix - 1 cm. Alhamdullilah happy nya- Im in 'labor'.

Hubby quickly kemas kemas getting ready to go to labor ward. On the way to labor ward, jalan two steps,contractions, ya Allah, mmg sakit...

11pm++ In the labor ward. Midwife tanya 'which pain relief that you wish to have - do you want an epidural?' without a second thought, YES, please. I was already 10 hours of having contraction and dah lemah, I really needed 'Hapi'dural to go on...

Saturday, 2nd October
12am ++ Epidural Procedural , at the same time, got a lot of 'high gas' ! Contractions was so damn painful, epidural procedure tak rasa sakit pun! I was actually shocked bila the anestetic dr. tu said, 'ok its done!'

Soon after that when the pain relief dah started to kick in, Sue terus tidur! Hubby balik rumah to cleaned up and rest a bit.

2pm ++ Midwife - Michelle checked cervix opening - shocked! still at 1cm since the last 4 hours, I was totally shattered. I need 10cm! How many hours to go?

I was put on Oxytoxin, hormones to make the contractions stronger. 2 packs of 1000ml through my veins. The contractions are so strong, even with epidural, I was actually menahan sakit. Worried my epidural dah habis to kick in sbb I can't stand the pain at my back, asked the midwife normally how long epidural lasted sbb after few hours, I felt the pain. I want more, luckily ada booster for epidural, I just need to push the button, the epidural will be top up in every 15 mins. At the same time, I took gas! A lot of them...Yes I know, I am very low tolerance in managing pain..

I tried baca Surah Mariam..Slowly, one by one baca ayat suci Al-Quran..hoping I am 10 cm dilated.

Asked the midwife, when can I expect her to check my cervix again - oh normally when put on Oxytoxin, it will be the next 5 hours. Ya Allah, tolong la hambamu ini...

While waiting and battling pains, Hubby was very supportive eventhough I knew he was already tired. The room next door, I can hear the mommies pushing2. Ada yang shouting like crazi, if dgr, mmg everyone will go, oh god, can I do the pushing?mmg saiko! Sbb we have agama to say why we have to go through all that, tak perlu menjerit jerit walaupun sakit yg teramat. Omputih kesah apa, all out ok! SOmehow mmg give negative thoughts to me, takut n saiko sgt dah nak push...

5pm++ Michelle came and checked my cervix, I was really hoping to hear - ok you are 10cm dilated- macam dgr results exam keluar, you wanted it sooo much to hear the good news.. Alhamdullilah, I was 10 cm dilated. from 1 cm and the next 10 cm was like miracle...Hubby asked, when can we expect to push - Michelle said' in two hours'..now try to rest as much as you can. tutup lampu, we tried to sleep.

6am++ Michelle came ' wakey wakey..time for baby' We thought we have to be wheeled to a different room, tapi tak, pushing was done in the same room. So every contraction came, pushing started. As I was on epidural, I could not focus to push. I was quite crap in pushing, most of the energy went to the face, bukan down below. For 1 and half hours, doctor said I have to be assisted with vacuum, cuz normally pushing max for 20 mins, and I was extremely penat and out of breath.
Battling with breath, pain, anxiety, tiredness..within 1 hour my face became like balloon, my mata nak tercabut je sbb doctor said jangan tutup mata...my face kluar spots...pushing kuat sgt, the pressure sgt kuat, my pores on the face pun terbuka..my arteri dalam my eyes pun pecah, merah berdarah in the eyes.

Within second, the room dah filled with 6 ke 7 people tried to help me to push. Doctor said ' I have to perform epiosiotomy ( potong bawah ) - to avoid tear. At that time, Sue berserah je, do whatever you want.

at 8:20am, my little princess, Adriana Sofea was born.

Doctor put her on my chest, I wanted to say ' hello baby ' tapi jadi, baby .. baby.. je..cuz I think I was in another alam already..Doctor performed the jahit for 30 mins. I know most of people said, jahit was the worst part, but cuz the epidural, I felt nothing... Then everything is done.

This is my story how I delivered my first princess to the world.. I am amazed for mothers to go through labor without epidural, for those yang went through 24hours labor, but no pain relief. Ya Allah, Solehah kan lah anak perempuan ku, selamat kan la dia setiap masa... She is just soo precious..

I am feeling the miracle of being a mother - syukur syukur, for the miracle..